I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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