Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
