I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
