I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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