Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
