I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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