Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
