Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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