woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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