So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sober January is a disaster.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
