Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am one with the molecules
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
