Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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