Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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