So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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