Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
