Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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