Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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