the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
