The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
