You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
