He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
