He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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