found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
