I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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