I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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