Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
