Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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