wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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