I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Drake has all the answers
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
