shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
