We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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