I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
