I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
whose parrot is this?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
