hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I still have a little drunk in my system
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