I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
