cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
