mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
