Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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