can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
