And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
