Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
