Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
