My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
