What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
