I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
