in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
