i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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