well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
