Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
