I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
