This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
