Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
