Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
